barefoot and breathing

Yesterday I had an eye doctor appointment at 5:15, 2 blocks from my house. I got into town at 5:08 (pretty standard). Since I forgot to throw food in the crockpot that morning I knew I had about 5 minutes to run upstairs toss the fixins in the oven (sans preheat) and get out.

It was a dark and rainy night and I could only find a spot half a block down.

I was scampering (running in heels in the rain) up to my porch thinking “chicken, cube some potatoes, toss in baby carrots oregano and boullion and get out” while not paying attention to anything else. All of a sudden a giant dark figure comes darting out from behind the bushes at full speed.

I scream like a banshee and throw my keys at his face all at once while the car coming up the street stops due to my high pitched wail.

It takes me a full 5 seconds to realize that it’s my dumb effing husband who was walking back from the train when he saw me parking and decided to scare me.

Jerk. My stomach didn’t untense for at least an hour and my blood pressure was 10 points higher than last time at the optometrist.

He, on the other hand, thought it was great and wouldn’t stop laughing.

What a turd. I wish I had better aim when I threw the keys.